If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
