Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
