I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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