I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
