Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
