I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
