I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
