I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
