Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were trust falling into bushes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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