i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
