the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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