I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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