Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
