They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
