We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
