Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
