I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize