Porn is love you can see.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
