New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dicks are not precious.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
