You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
