I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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