My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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