Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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