Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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