I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
