What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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