It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
