last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
