His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
