My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
