I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
