Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
