Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize