Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
