Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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