ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want her autograph on my taint
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
