Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
