Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
