I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
