Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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