I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
