Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
