I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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