Do you still have your period?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
