I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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