i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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