...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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