yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
