I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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