Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
