are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
