Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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