What a fucking waste of an outfit
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
