I wish I could punch you in the face.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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