Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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