i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
