I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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