FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
