you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm just crazy horny about you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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