i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
