i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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