When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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