I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
