I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize