Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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