Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
