I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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