watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
