He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
