ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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