That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
